Two places should fully accept every member that walks in; family and church (there are a few exceptions to being accepted – being single is not one of them.) If nay person walks out of a church service feeling lonelier than when they walked in, a problem exists. When a single adult walks into a church and sees nothing relevant to his or her own life situation, a problem exists. When a single adult walks out of the church and away from the bride of Christ because he or she feels disenfranchised by the church and pastorate, a problem exists. A problem exists in many American churches today.
The final question (that has been asked before): “Does the church find single people worth the effort?” Shouldn’t the church find all of God’s children worth the effort to minister to them, in the way that they need, right where they are? To what extent will the church invite, pursue and embrace single adults, the fastest growing mission field in the United States today? Only the church can decide.
“The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of mine…you did it to me’” (Matthew 25:10)
WORKS CITED
Assemblies of God(USA) Official Website
Barna, George. Single Focus, Understanding Single Adults. Ventura, CA: Regal Books, 2003
Christian Connections Ministries
Christian Reformed Church of North America.
Duin, Julie. “Why Singles Boycott Churches.” Breakpoint Online (This article is no longer available online)
Dupont, Marc A. Toxic Churches. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House, 3004
Johnson, Jeff. “Singles’ Group Calls Marriage Benefits ‘Discrimination’.” CNSNews
September 23, 2003
Kamstra, Doug. A Single Focus. Grand Rapids, MI: CRC Publications
New American Standard Bible. Grand Rapids, MI: World Publishing, 1995
Sacks, Glenn. "Convicted Murderess Can Get Custody But Decent Fathers Can't."
September 19, 2003
Sacks, Glenn. "Many Divorced Dads Struggle to Remain in Their Children's Lives." June 5, 2003
United Methodist Church
Unmarried America
United States Census, 2000
Widder, Wendy. A Match Made in Heaven, Grand Rapids, MI Kregel Publications, 2003
Willow Creek Community Church
Young Widows and Widowers
7 comments:
Thanks for pointing to this, Ellen!
I very much enjoyed my first reading. I plan to go through it again soon.
One question jumped out immediately. Do you think the problem might be more with the ignoring of singles, or the preeminence of the family? The family needs to loosen up their grip.
It seems to me that when a man and a woman walk through those doors, they should be Christians before they are a family. If this were the case, the fact that he or she is single or married matters less.
Thanks, I actually enjoyed writing it a lot - but I can tend to get pretty fired up.
I do think that it's more of the preeminence of the family "focus on the family" says it all.
You're right, people should be Christians before they are a family and families do need to loosen their grip.
I think that it's significant that people who spent a lot of time as part of a couple - when they become single don't have as difficult of a time.
Single people trying to enter into a new church have a much bigger problem being accepted.
Single people trying to enter into a new church have a much bigger problem being accepted.
True in home church as well. We used to get ding'd by the singles all the time. This was especially true for the women. The young, single men in the church were always very comfortable coming over to anyone's house and having some of their dinner. The single women seemed to consider that some kind of failure.
Now that I am on the "wrong" side of this fence, I am learning how very much I have to repent. I never made any bones about it; I delighted in not having to generate any of our social life. Now I see how easy I had it!
It is an exciting new challenge, though! I am actually getting far enough along in the process to be learning to enjoy it. Thanks for helping my perspective along.
The hardest part for me was (still is) the socializing part.
I suppose part of that could be that I'd rather discuss theology or psychology than new hair styles.
I'm pretty content where I am right now - I'd like to marry, sure. But if it doesn't happen, I think that's ok, too.
;-)
I thought of commenting a little further on this subject a week ago. Nothing dramatic, but your comments on my family of drivers reminded me to drop by. Thanks.
In terms of "singles ministry", I cannot think of what we singles need more of than others, except visits. I just need an excuse to go see people, and (after overcoming my terror) have people visit me. I don't want to go "out", but into other living rooms.
Of course, I have the social skills of any redneck turned mechanic turned programmer, so I am hopeless at this. I have no idea what to do when visiting people. But it seems like the best answer to nonetheless.
My pastor's wife is thinking about doing something like this. I'm hoping to get involved in some way.
We'll see.
Hi there...
I think what you are saying is one of the things that I touched on.
The hardest thing for me was to learn how to socialize as a single person, after years of being "half of a couple"
That is what I'd like to see new singles helped out with.
;-)
Due to my bent, I kept thinking in terms of special classes and the like. Sometimes it takes me a while to catch up. :-)
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